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Posts Tagged ‘Glenn Beck’


America's Top Latino Hater

1 in 6.

Maybe Fox News Channel did indeed read the latest US Census report that shows the US Latino population growing faster than any other group in the country. Maybe it felt that when 1 out of every 6 Americans right now are of Latino origin and 1 out of every 4 children are Latino, you might want to start rethinking your media strategy. There were signs of this when Fox launched Fox News Latino last year and began to actively focus on content central to the Latino viewing audience.

Or maybe it was because, according to the Associated Press, 400 advertisers refused to have their ads run during The Glenn Beck Show.

Nonetheless, it’s official, Glenn Beck, America’s favorite conspiracy-theory-Latino-hating-extremist-Tea Party-looney (or as we say in Spanish, EL GRAN PENDEJO), will no longer have his show on Fox The AP reported this afternoon the following:

Fox News Channel on Wednesday said it was dropping Glenn Beck’s afternoon talk show, which has sunk in the ratings and suffered financially due to an advertiser boycott.

Fox and Beck said the show will end later this year.

We applaud Fox for making this decision and yes, we are not idealistic enough to think that it cancelled Beck because of his craziness. This was purely about MONEY, DINERO, CLAMS, MOOLAH.

But who cares? This is very major news, and one that has been long coming. As the article reports:

Beck’s 5 p.m. ET show averaged 2.7 million viewers during the first three months of 2010, and was at just under 2 million for the same period this year, the Nielsen Co. said. His decline was sharper among younger viewers sought by advertisers.

Increasingly, the show began to be dominated by Beck standing in front of a chalk board giving his theories about the world’s troubles.

However, Beck has built a powerful brand for himself with a radio show and digital properties. A key Fox executive, Joel Cheatwood, is joining Mercury Radio Arts later this month.

“I truly believe that America owes a lot to Roger Ailes and Fox News,” Beck said in a statement. “I cannot repay Roger for the lessons I’ve learned and will continue to learn from him and I look forward to starting this new phase of our partnership.”

One of Beck’s most prominent critics — David Brock, founder of the liberal watchdog Media Matters for America — said that “the only surprise is that it took Fox News months to reach this decision.”

What’s next for America’s Favorite Latino Hater? We are sure he is savvy enough to show up somewhere with his chalkboards and theories of a “lost America.” Let the speculation run rampant, we don’t care today. Today, we sing!

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In what is being seen as a political shocker, the incumbent Republican and pro-statehood Governor of Puerto Rico, Luis Fortuño, submitted his resignation to the Puerto Rican Congress today at a press conference at La Fortaleza.

Citing “personal reasons” and the “opportunity of a lifetime,” Fortuño announced that starting April 3 he will become a Fox News personality for The Fortuño Fortune Show, a new game show that will combine the best of the beloved Puerto Rican TV classic PA’ ARRIBA, PAPI, PA’ ARRIBA (Go Up, Daddy, Go Up) and hard-hitting interviews with such luminaries as Michelle Backman, birther Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Mike “Huck” Huckabee, and Iris Chacón.

Fortuño also announced that the show will contain its Fortuño Funky All-Star Band, a new band of Puerto Rican musicians who has stayed silent about the island’s current political status and its 113 years of colonial rule by the United States. Heading up the band will be rapper Daddy Yankee, a beloved megastar who has expressed no interest in the island’s struggle. Puerto Rican papers had reported that legends Danny Rivera and Andrés Jiménez had auditioned for the band, but Fortuño had personally blacklisted them for being “too communist and socialist and not appropriate for representing the island of Puerto Rico, the next great state of the Union.”

When Jiménez heard of this decision, he was reported as telling Puerto Rico VOCERO newspaper, “Eres un jodio MAMAO, Luis.”

Fortuño, who was recently given Ds and Fs by the Puerto Rican people and also trails by 18 percentage point in current gubernatorial polls, did issue a statement at the press conference assuring that this decision had nothing to do with his recent troubles on the island, including the firing of over 26,000 public employees and a Justice Department investigation of police abuse at the University of Puerto Rico.

I love Fox News. They have anointed me as “the next great Latino Republican in the United States” even though I technically am not able to run for VP of the United States. When they approached me to do the show, I said yes! In both languages! You see, I really am a American self-loathing Puerto Rican who during my time at Georgetown and the University of Virginia, realized that AMERICA IS FREAKIN AWESOME. I figured that having my own show on a major news network will be the best way for Puerto Rico to become a state of the Union. The show will have several segments, including my favorite one, THE LUIS GUTIERREZ YOU ARE NOT A BORICUA AWARDS, which I think explains itself. This show is going to be SOOOO funny!

Fox News has scheduled for Fortuño’s show to be broadcast every Monday morning at 4 am EST/1am PST.

“Our research confirms that Latinos like to stay up late after so much partying and dominoes are still wide awake listening to bad rancheras and salsa music,” Fox News founder Ruppert Murdoch said. “What better time slot for our Latino rising star to take over this demographic and show the world that yes, Puerto Ricans are really Americans, even though people like Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity would tell you otherwise since it will mess up the stars on the current flag of the United States.”

WHITE HOUSE HAS RELEASED TOP 5 SUCCESSORS

The Puerto Rican press is all abuzz about who will succeed Fortuño, who officially will leave the office on Sunday, April 3 so he can take a flight to New York and start producing his premiere his show next Tuesday. Since the United States Government really doesn’t trust the Puerto Rican Congress, President Obama decided to play the very obscure “COLONIAL WILD CARD,” a seldom-used executive order that has been in effect since the United States invaded the island in 1898.

The White House confirmed this morning that it has already developed a strong “short list” of successors and we are the first blog to publicly post this list. Here is the top 5 list of successors, which President Obama will use to choose on Sunday. The successor will be brought into La Fortaleza on Sunday and be sworn in to become the island’s Executive Chief.

Latina Mega Star Jennifer Lopez


Beloved Puerto Rican Children’s Host Pacheco (who is deceased but Obama has assured that his mystical powers will resurrect him)

 

Dallas Maverick NBA Star and Puerto Rican Star José Barea

 

Mexican Superstar Juan Gabriel (like Obama said, “ALL LATINOS ARE ALIKE!”)

¡CHARITYN!

APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!

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UPDATE, August 15, 2013: Since I wrote this piece two years ago, my positions have evolved. My latest Boston Globe opinion piece reflects them. Here is the piece: “Free Puerto Rico from political limbo.”

UPDATE, November 8, 2012: I wrote this piece close to two years ago, and I will be planning to write another one to share other reasons why the latest November 6, 2012 plebiscite really doesn’t do anything to the current status debate.

Americans will never accept a flag with 51 stars in it

As I begin to cover the island’s next status plebiscite—where Puerto Ricans will once again determine in a non-binding referendum their political future—I wanted to take a minute and provide my reasons for why my homeland will never be welcome as the 51st state of the Union. First, a little history:

  • The next plebiscite, which the US House approved last year but the Senate did not, would be the fourth time the colony of the United States, a US territory since 1898, will vote on its political status. In 1967, 60.7% of Puerto Ricans chose Commonwealth or Associated Free State status (established in 1952), while 39% chose statehood, and 0.6% chose independence. The 1967 plebiscite had a voter turnout of 66%. In 1993, 48.6% voted for Commonwealth status, 46.3% for statehood, and 4.4% for independence. The turnout in 1993 was 74%. In 1998, 0.06% chose Commonwealth, 0.59% chose Free Association (think the Cook Island’s relationship with New Zealand), 46.49% chose statehood, 2.54% chose independence, and 50.3% chose NONE OF THE ABOVE. The 1998 turnout was 71%.
  • The 1998 results were an anomaly because the pro-Commonwealth party, the Popular Democratic Party (PPD) recommended to choose the NONE OF THE ABOVE option to its members as a form of protest since it felt that the criteria set forth by the then ruling pro-statehood party, the New Progressive Party of Puerto Rico (PNP) was seen as unjust.
  • In 1991, Puerto Ricans voted on constitutional amendment referendum that, if passed, would have added an amendment to the Puerto Rican Constitution that allowed the following points (source): “the inalienable right to freely and democratically determine Puerto Rico’s political status; the right to choose a dignified, non-colonial, non-territorial status not subordinate to plenary powers of Congress; the right to vote for three alternatives; the right that only results with a majority will be considered triumphant in a plebiscite; the right that any status would protect Puerto Rico’s culture, language and identity, and continued independent participation in international sports events; the right that any status guarantees the individual’s right to American citizenship.” The referendum failed, 53% against and 47% in favor.

So now that you have the history of this politically charged debate (it has basically been the respective rallying cry between the PPD and the PNP), I still say this: In today’s America, a place where anti-Latino sentiment towards illegal immigrants and legal citizens has never been stronger, why would Puerto Rico, a proud country with ties to both the United States and Latin America, want to become the 51st state? Even if it did (and the current governor Luis Fortuño is a strong advocate of statehood), the America we know today would never welcome it.

Want proof? Let the videos talk. The first video is a Republican response to the House bill that passed last year that approved the next plebiscite. This video was produced BEFORE the House voted on its passage.

Ok, so you know have the facts, right? No? Then let’s have FOX NEWS’ Glenn Beck explain it to you. These videos were aired on Beck’s radio and TV shows the days before the passage of the House bill.

The newest expert on Puerto Rican politics

From his radio show:

Beck takes that radio message (and don’t get me started on its ignorance and misinformation) to his TV show the very same day. Hope you like the blackboards. Here is clip 1:

In clip 2, Beck continues:

So, you got it, class? You have everything you need? Like I tell my pro-statehood family members and friends, Glenn Beck’s America does not care nor does it want Puerto Rico as a state. If it were to become one, Puerto Ricans might as well be illegal immigrants in Arizona.

Kind of makes you long for the days of Ronald Reagan, doesn’t it?

To my fellow Puerto Ricans, stop believing the hype. Yes, we are proud. We are proud to be Puerto Ricans. And we are proud to be American citizens. We have defended the United States in wars since 1917. Yet, now in Glenn Beck’s America, where Tea Parties and Minutemen lead to senseless killings (see Brisenia Flores) and blatant racism, we will not be welcome in the US. Let us choose our own destiny: either free association or independence. The politics of the last 60 years are over in Puerto Rico. It is time to forge a new future that will truly set us free.

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